Friday, July 15, 2011

bye bye fafa bye bye babyhood

This afternoon I cut the tips off of Lydia's fa fa's. We threw them in the garbage and talked about what a big girl she is and she was fine. On the other hand, I wanted to cry. She is now in bed screaming her head off. She is not asking for her fa fa but wants me to read her a book, I have read two already. The poor girl can't sleep!! I know in a couple days she will be fine. I am the one struggling with not having any more babies.

It is not that I want more babies right now it is just this looming pressure I have been feeling lately to make a decision. Brad has been wanting to "take the option off the table" so to speak for over a year now but I just can't utter the words "I am ready."I frustrate myself because every month I think what if and I feel like I am going to throw up at the possibility. Yet, I just can't seem to say goodbye to having babies for good. I could go on and on about the rationale and contemplations going on in my head but this could get really long. I just need to keep praying for peace of mind .