I have just been thinking lately about what it is going to be like to send my children to school in the world we live in. It scares the crap out of me for all sorts of reasons. I have also been thinking about how I can't shelter them and keep them away from disappointment and hurt. I had a little revelation with myself the other day. I was made fun all throughout school and I think that is the reason I am so shy and timid to put my "real" self out there. I could list all of the instances because I am sure some reading this are thinking I didn't know that happend..but...may be a little too personal, although some might find funny. One example is that I started running when I was 5..literally 5..I ran a 2 mile race with my dad. I competed in the Junior Olympics and was always beating the boys in elementary school and middle school. I was so happy and very secure until people, even friends were talking about me behind my back calling me a show off and that I thought I was better than everyone. I think this is part of the reason I didn't do as well as I could have in high school. Believe me there are much worse examples but I am not going to go there. So my question is did anyone else deal with this? Does everyone get made fun of and hurt? I don't mean like you peed your pants in 3rd grade and someone laughed..I mean someone crushing who you are as a person. None of the actual instances bother me anymore in the sense that I think about it and feel hurt but they have effected who I am and I am afraid of my children dealing with the same thing. I just thought of one more example which I think is a good one. When I was younger I used to dress up a lot. I was a girly girl who liked sports. Well I got slammed for that one. People commented you always wear skirts, who are you trying to impress. Now it doesn't sound like a big deal but to this day I feel very uncomfortable dressing up. I have a fear of being noticed. I don't like too much attention drawn to me for that very reason. I DO dress up to try and impress my husband occasionally though:)Now that I put this I am going to feel even more uncomfortable when dressing up now that people know this about me.
I know that experiences shape a person, good and bad. I just don't want my children to ever be afraid to be who they are. I know many are thinking well its your(my) job to help them in that. I know this but some children hid things away. So my question is does everyone feel like they are who they are now because of something someone said to them growing up?
Disclaimer: I have had a VERY rough week. I may be legally insane at this moment. This post may make no sense at all. I may wish I never posted this. oh well. :)
4 comments:
Who you are is who you are. What people said or did may have affected you in a sense, but you were already who you were. I think everyone goes through similar situations, but that we all deal with it differently. That's the part where we are who we are. Some people are able to blow stuff off. Some people are not. I think you were in the "not" catagory.The little things that people said were a really big deal to you, and then when something big struck you, you were already weakened and it knocked you over.
I had terrible school years as well. I always blamed it on the fact that I was teased from 7th grade to graduation. And yeah, people did seem to tear at me a bit, but now that I'm older and I know a lot more about myself, I realize that my terrible school years had a lot more to do with the fact that I had about zero ability to deal with stress and I was a self concious person by nature.
Our kids are going to go through some hard times. They will probably get called names, either by the fat girl who wants to make herself feel better, or by the scrawny little boy/girl who is in love with them. People will be critical, cause unfortunetely that's what we do. But we can teach our kids to throw it off their backs...but we can't force them too. And if we find our kids don't excell in this area, then we let it be and we help them cope with it. No one taught me to cope. I had more issues because at home all I ever got was "why can't you just lighten up"...it was true, I should have, but for some reason that made it worse. So, if you find your kids 5 years down the road with broken spirits, then teaching them coping skills is a good thing to do at that point. Better yet, teach them now. A lot easier for them to deal when they already know how.
I agree with your comment we are who we are in a sense. Some people do brush things off and some don't. You are right, I didn't. However, I would be different had those things never happend to me...soo they did change me and make me who I am now.
Also, just to clarify, I don't feel that I had terrible school years. I loved my childhood. It was unfortunate some of the things that were said about or to me but I have great, fond memories.
If you don't know who the comment above me is from dont open it delete it. my friend got a weird one and it was a virus. Anyway I think most kids will have a hard time, different for all of them but something that was hard. I hate to think of my kids going through it. I hope I can give them the love and support to help them. I hate to think of htem hurting, but at the same time I want themt o be strong adults that have a good grasp of the world and how to deal with things so I guess it's good in a way. I am rambling. Maybe i will think about this more before I keep going- Anyway I hope I was never one of the ones that hurt you! hmmm...maybe Ill blog about this too- I am having lots of thoughts...
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